Ramblings of a drunken sailor

There's a teachers strike on Tuesday. My schools are both open, but I reckon that I won't have all my classes at my 'main' school. I've been here two months, and I'm yet to have all my scheduled classes take place. Why should next week be any different? *sigh*. As I said in my last post, I work in two schools, let's call them FM and PV. PV is a wonderful school. It's in a rough area, but the teaching staff are absolutely wonderful, always willing to help me with my work, and they're just lovely teachers. We've been out to dinner, I have offers of going out with their families, and I babysit one colleague's daughters.

I have Chisu's "Mun koti ei oo täällä" stuck in my head. I want to go home. I've been in France for just over a month, and I hate it. I have never been homesick in my life, and I've travelled around enough over the last 5 years to make me realise that this isn't normal. Perhaps it's because my friends and family are so close? It feels like they're on the other side of the world, when in fact it's about 4hrs journey from door to door! (Arras-Lille-London-Ipswich). My parents and brother are coming to visit in the last week of November, and Gustav will be back in the first weekend of December. I want to find the fastforward button, dodge the shit, and land in happyland. This weekend is likely to be dead, as is the next, although tomorrow I'm going down to the British Cemetery to attend the Armistice services. 91 years ago today, beneath the foundations of the appartment block, the English were entrenched against the Germans, whose frontline is 10 minutes walk away on the school field

My job is definitely my major depression trigger. I work in 2 schools. My main school is 10 minutes walk from my flat. I'm meant to have a mentor, Mrs D, whose job it is to help us settle, find accommodation, sort out the paperwork and to advise and support us. She has done literally fuck all. We've been sent to classes with 5 minutes notice, completely unprepared because nobody has bothered to tell us who the classes are, what their English is like, nor who their teacher is. The teacher of each class is meant to guide us, but she hasn't. The school in question has 5 English teachers. I know 2. The first, my mentor is just impossible. She ignores the other English assistant and me in the staffroom, and blamed us for not knowing what to do when we had no idea about anything. How are we meant to succeed in our jobs if there is nobody here to show us the way? I've got discipline problems in 2 of my classes. I'm finding it hard, I'm well out of my depth in Secondary Schools. The kids are bigger than I am, and they just have no respect, until you threaten them with detention if they do not cooperate. Mrs D (mentor), is a part-time teacher, head of English, mother, wife, and teacher trainer, which is, as she told us, why we're left alone. "I cannot do everything." THEN WHY THE FUCK TAKE IT ON?! One of my colleagues in the other school (who I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about), is under her instruction at teacher training college. He graduates this summer. He told me this morning how he had emailed her a month ago, and was still waiting for a reply. And it's not just my depression and homesickness. Suzannah, my colleague is also having the same problems at work, and alot of teachers in the district are of the same opinion of her: thoroughly useless.

I'm just not cut out for secondary school. I want to work with kingergarten and primary. Nothing else, if even that itself. Who knows?

All I know is that I want to go home more than I have ever done. I'm miserable here, and lonely. Why can't I just go home and carry on with life as it was. Uni and work. The other students in my year are also having miserable times, so at least I'm not alone.

Summer in the house with Leo
Spending a day in Berlin at 30C, then returning to temperatures of 8C and rain XD
THE trip to Turku
Barbecuing by the lake with Lazu.
 

Any regre​ts?​
None that I can think of.
 

Why in the name of Jesus Christ, does it always have to be about you?!?!
You're not the only person on this fucking planet who has problems.
Do you have any idea it feels, to be the one who always has to listen to everybody's problems? But then, whenever I have something I need to talk about, suddenly nobody is there?!?!

It hurts. It really hurneeds myself, ts. The amount of other people's sh*t that I have to deal with is far outweighing my own.

From now on, to save your time and mine, just DON'T do something you KNOW you'll end up regretting. If you don't want something bad to happen, then you do stuff to STOP it from happening, you know?!?!?

There are more important things in life than all this bullshit.

Käärmeet puremat mun kaulalla...
Current mood: awake